Korea

Well, we are officially moving to Korea in June, which is only 3 months after our baby is due, so I'm stressing out quite a bit right now. Not only are we moving to a whole different country, but we also have to do that with a brand new baby. I am trying my hardest to be positive and think about all the good things the move will bring, but sometimes it's really hard. I mean, this little man is coming in 3 months and the only thing I've bought for him is a blanket, and we all know that one blanket is NOT enough for a newborn. We need to buy a crib, changing table, a double stroller, and all kinds of clothes. But the reason we haven't bought anything yet is that we have no idea what our housing situation will be over there. Will we even be able to get a 3 bedroom place? What if there isn't enough room for two cribs? Then what? Evie is in no way ready for a toddler bed, so we can't use her crib cause she needs it, and I am freaking out. At first my thought was to not set up his room at all, ya know? I would get all of the stuff and then just move it all with us and set up his nursery in Korea, but now I'm not sure I want to do that because I have no clue if we will even have a nursery there, plus I'm not sure I want him in our room for 3 months. I would much rather have him in his own crib, in his own room, and get used to all that before we move, but then again, it is more convenient to have your newborn in your room since they wake up so much. I'm conflicted.

I'm nervous about going to a country that has a line drawn down the middle and is actively at war with itself all the time. Obviously we won't be seeing any of that cause my husband is a veterinarian, but it is still always present. Apparently there are times of day that you shouldn't be out at all. What?

I'm nervous about the kind of food we will be eating. I know that's ridiculous, but I'm not a huge fan of seafood or sushi and that is a lot of what their diet consists of. Korea is basically a tiny piece of land jutting out into the ocean, so they understandably eat a lot of seafood, but pretty much the only things I can stand are tilapia and salmon. Dan loves seafood and sushi though, so he will be just fine. We were talking about this the other night and I couldn't help but think how much I am going to miss Mexican food. I love love love burritos. They are probably my favorite food ever, so if I have to go 2 years without a burrito, I might die. (a little dramatic, I know)
I'm nervous about where in Korea we will be. They still haven't told us, and where we are determines everything about how we will live. If we get stationed near Seoul, chances are we will have a decent housing situation and a large army base to keep us feeling comfortable, but if not, who knows? Odds are, our housing will be tiny, as well as our base, and everyday comforts that I am used to right now will be hard to come by; namely wal-mart or a store like it. We may have to stalk up on clothes for both kids so that we won't have to worry about trying to find them new clothes while we are there, because I've heard that is a nightmare.

But, mostly I'm nervous about being so far away. I feel like I'm far away from everyone right now, but there is always some comfort in knowing that I can jump on a plane and be home in a couple of hours. This is completely different. I don't know what Dan's job will be like or what his leave will be like, so I'm nervous I won't see my family again while I'm there. Here, also, I'm probably being a bit too dramatic, but I'm pregnant, so I get a pass.

What am I supposed to do with a toddler and a newborn on a transcontinental flight? And, once I'm there, am I a strong enough person to be able to raise 2 kids, without any family around, in a foreign country? I'm not sure I am. This is the exact reason I never wanted to marry a military man, but just my luck, I marry a veterinarian who joined the military. Not fair, Dan!

In a lot of ways I am lucky, though. I get the opportunity to see the world and to have exciting experiences that most people never will. I have an amazing husband who serves his country and takes care of his family one hundred percent of the time. I just needed to get all of this out of my head because I think I may explode from all the nervous worrying I'm doing. I can do hard things. Right?

something about nothing

I'm tired of not having a car and never being able to go anywhere

Dan gets to go play basketball and to scouts
but I stay here
and do the dishes, repeatedly
and the laundry
and clean the living room
and play with baby toys
and watch yo gabba gabba
and dance around the kitchen with my baby

And I really do love it

Except that sometimes it becomes too much

and I feel like I need a break

a break from being in the house all day long

ya know? 

My problems are pretty unoriginal and I know I don't have anything to complain about really.

And most days I'm just fine staying here all day

but today Dan went straight from work to a basketball game

and then straight to scouts from there

so I can't go run the errands I need to because he won't get home until 8ish

No, we can't share the car. We thought about that, but traffic is so bad that if I were to take Dan to and from work everyday, that would be 4 hours in the car a day for Evie. No thanks.

Also, Dan can't use the public transportation, like carpools and such, because he doesn't have a set schedule.

So here I am. Stuck. Oh well. There are worse things in life. It's a good thing I love that Evie girl so much

If you read this whole thing, you are a champion

sorry about complaining.

talk

So, Dan and I have to give talks in church on the 23rd.

Eek! 

I HATE hate talking in front of people

I can write papers and make things sound okay, but actually getting up in front of hundreds of people and reading it?

No thank you. 

Because of my debilitating fear, I am having a hard time getting started.

Any thoughts from my friends out there as to how to make a great talk?

How do you start when preparing a talk?

What kinds of things do you look for?

In case you're interested, the topic is humility and gratitude.

Also, in case you were wondering, Dan is great at giving talks.

Seriously exceptional. 

So I have to get up there and blunder around for a couple of minutes

and then he takes up the rest of the time with something super spiritual and profound

which makes everyone wonder, "what does he see in her?". 

I know I'm just being dramatic, but seriously.

I hate giving talks.

Jealousy

I've been looking at pictures of my friends' houses on their blogs (that's you Jess and Kathleen) and I am seriously jealous! I cannot wait to have a real house and an actual nursery. I have so much cute stuff to decorate my baby's room with, but no where to put it, so right now it's just sitting in a box. Sniff. I can't wait to decorate my own home the way that I want to and to be able to actually paint the walls! Oh, to not have white walls, that will be the day. I guess what I am saying is this; as much as it will pain us to leave our lovely Manhattan, I couldn't be more excited to get to Virginia and be able to have more room and decorate my own home! (It won't really be ours, we'll just rent, but you get the gist)

Soooooo jealous! I can't wait to have a nursery.... sigh...

BUT, for now we are making the best of what we have. We really do LOVE our little apartment and will miss it a lot when we move as well, but since our family is expanding so is my need for more space and more freedom to decorate. That is all. Sorry this was such a rant fest.

between a rock and a hard place

This is where Dan and I are sitting right now. Turns out that because the government wanted to help people through this economic crisis, they didn't take out as much federal taxes in each paycheck. Which means that when we filed our federal tax returns we actually owe the government money instead of getting any money back. This is completely unfortunate in many ways.
1. We're broke
2. We don't have any money
3. We were sort of counting on the tax return to be able to buy things for baby, like a crib and car seat.
Stupid government. We haven't filed our state taxes yet because we were so discouraged after filing federal, but maybe we'll get luckier with state.

I know this post was a bit of a downer, but I needed to rant about it for a second. I am just so stressed out and I don't know how we're going to get everything we need. However, experience tells me that in the end, everything does always work out and Heavenly Father will bless us. It happens every time, so I need to just have faith and keep my spirits up. It'll work out. I'm sure of it. I am just incredibly stressed out.

Things

I LOVE:

• Our ward: The people are so nice and generous and we have made so many great friends within our ward. Someone gave me a bag full of baby clothes because she thought I might like it, and someone else has already offered to give us a car seat. So nice and generous! I am going to miss our ward so much when it is time for us to leave.
• 30 Rock: Haven't seen it? You need to. Hilarious.
• Peanut Butter: I don't feel the need to elaborate on this
• My fuzzy blanket: It's so fuzzy!

I HATE:

• Our neighbors

This may seem harsh, so let me explain. Our two apartments share a heating and cooling unit, which means that when they have their thermostat set to a million degrees and our heater is off, it's still 80 degrees in our apartment. I am already feeling overly warm all the time and then you add on the heater and it makes for a VERY grumpy me. Second, when said heater sharing happens, it blows the smell of whatever they are cooking into our apartment. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is because the smell of asian food is the ONLY thing that still makes me nauseous these days. Guess what kind of food they cook all day long? Yep. So, not only does my apartment feel like a sauna because my neighbors cannot regulate their own body heat, but it also smells like a chinese food restaurant. Ugh.

Thank you for letting me rant a little bit. And, if you have any tips about the neighbor situation that doesn't involve hurting anyone (Dan already shot my idea down), let me know.

And counting

12 days until Tommy and Chelsea's open house and dance party!
13 days in Wichita having fun with Cable, Joey, and Mom and Dad.
14 days until we fly to Utah and spend a week at the cabin with Dan's family!!!

It's good to have exciting things to look forward to, otherwise I think I would die of boredom. I have applied to every place I can possibly think of, and yet still nothing. Please, for the sake of my sanity, someone hire me.

In other news, about a week and half ago I started feeling really sick. I'm tired all the time and just not feeling great. It kind of feels like mono all over again, but I'm not sure how I could possibly have gotten mono from doing nothing, but whatever. Hopefully this goes away soon.

Sorry about this random post of rants, but like I said, I am a little bored.

Lonely, Mr. Lonely

The last two days have been a whirlwind. Dan didn't get home yesterday until 10:30pm and then got called to go back in as soon as we went to sleep around midnight. Poor guy. So, he got home around 4:30 this morning only to have to turn around and go back at 7am. This poor man didn't return home until almost 1pm after that. I have been such a wreck because of it. I am not trying to be self-pitying, because honestly he's the one we should all feel sorry for, but I hate not knowing where he is and when he'll be home. I worry about him a lot... it's a problem. Needless to say, poor Dan is exhausted and took a monster nap this afternoon. He is currently back at the Vet school doing...something... but hopefully he will come back soon.

On top of that, I am leaving tomorrow to go on a church sites road trip with my parents! Yay! It is going to be so much fun, I just wish Dan could come. He has barely been able to see me all week, is completely exhausted, and now his wife is leaving him for a week. I wish there was something I could do to help him. I am constantly feeling so useless and helpless because he is going through all of this and there's nothing I can do. Any suggestions? Sorry about this post, but I just needed to rant a little because I am crazy concerned for my dear Hubby.

exciting and boring

Exciting:

My old boss from my job that I just had to give up because I graduated, emailed me and said that I could have my job back through the summer! Yay! So, I have job now and the world rejoiced.

Even More Exciting:

Dan's hellish rotation is over on Friday!! His next rotation is Dermatology, or they like to call Derma-cation, so there is definitely a huge light at the end of the tunnel. Yay!

Boring:

I only worked four hours today, so I have still had PLENTY of time to do nothing. :) I am still watching all the seasons of How I Met Your Mother... again... for a lack of anything better to do. And, I realized that sometimes Lily and Marshall's relationship reminds me of Dan and I's sometimes. I kind of like it. We are so comfortable around each other and have such a similar sense of humor that it is just a lot of fun.

And, that is my life as of late. Pretty great right?

Blue French Horn

Today I was planning on..
-Going running in the morning
-Lounging all day
-Running some errands for Dan

So far today I have...
-slept in for a long time
-decided not to go running after all
-went to Target and spent waaaaaay too much money
-got some Panera. Yum.
-been lounging on the couch, watching How I Met Your Mother

Pretty good day so far right? I got all dressed up too (skirt and all) for no particular reason except that I was feeling really gross and ugly lately. I want to start running because my goal for this summer is now to lose weight. Yay, I have a goal! So, I am sitting on the couch watching a really funny show and looking real good if I do say so myself. However, I have no where else to be today. Tragic really.

Whine

I just want to vent and whine a little bit right now, so if you don't read this I won't be offended.

Here's the thing though. I miss Dan. All the time. It feels like all I do everyday, all day, is miss him and worry about him. I worry about whether he's drinking enough water (he got dehydrated after the second day), if he knows everything he needs to, whether his professors are targeting him today, and whether or not he's going to pass this rotation. Mostly I am worrying about what will happen if he doesn't pass. What does that mean for him? For us? And, I never see him. He leaves before I wake up and gets home somewhere between 5pm and 9pm usually. But, even when he is home all he is doing is studying. I am so not complaining about him or how little time he is spending with me because I know it's not his fault and if he could, he would spend tons of time with me. But that's the thing, he can't. The Vet school is so over-demanding that they expect you to go into a rotation already knowing all the things they are supposed to be teaching you in that rotation. It's ludicrous. The amount of stress of these poor students are under is outrageous. Did you know that the Vet School employs a therapist specifically for students because of how many breakdowns there are, especially in 4th year? No joke. So, Dan is under all this pressure and stress and there is nothing I can do to help. It is incredibly frustrating. So, not only do I never see my husband or get to spend any time with him ever, but there is also nothing I can do to help. Obviously, I am trying to be as supportive as possible so I never tell him how much I miss him and wish he was around and how frustrated I am that I can't do anything, but instead I let him vent to me, tell him it's going to be great, make him eat food, and fix his lunches. Am I doing enough? I hate knowing that I am sitting at home with nothing to do, completely at my leisure, while he is at the Vet School quite possibly doing something that determines whether he passes or fails. If he doesn't pass this rotation, he would still go on to the next one, but he would have to retake it. So, that begs the question of what the Army would do if he didn't pass. Ridiculous right? These are all the things that I am CONSTANTLY worrying about. I think I'm losing hair. I know how smart and motivated Dan is though and that gives me some peace of mind. He is the kindest, smartest, and hardest working man I have ever met so I have my fingers crossed (and praying a lot) for him. Sorry if you're still reading this. I needed to get some of this out of my head so it doesn't come out in other ways. :/

Sincerely,
The biggest baby/whiner ever