“True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one’s companion”
-President Hinckley

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Ariel, this is my respose

True Love. Does it exist? I think we all want to believe it does, and just like any girl, I love romantic movies when the two people end up together, but is that realistic? Probably not. True love isn't something you just stumble upon by accident. It's something that you work on every single day of your life. If you are looking to meet someone and immediately know that they are the one for you, I think you will be looking for a very long time. Isn't that why dating is so important? Of course there are certain people you are more attracted to or more drawn to, but is there really just one person out there for everyone? I'm inclined to say no. I think there were probably several men out there who could have made me happy and complimented me in lots of ways, but I chose Dan. I chose him for the man that he was and the man I knew he would become. I chose him for so many different reasons, but the point is that I CHOSE to be with him, which makes him my soul mate.

What if I had never met him? What if he had gone to another Vet school instead of K-State? I firmly believe that we both would have eventually found other people (though she would have been ugly, I'm sure) and would probably have been happy in that alternative life, but thankfully that did not happen.

People who know Dan and I would tell you that we are crazy compatible. I mean, it was obvious from the get go, at least to me. Almost disgusting really, but that doesn't last long. All those things I loved about Dan in the beginning are still there, but if that was all there was for the rest of eternity, I think the love would fade. Quickly. True love is choosing to love the other person no matter what, day in and day out, flaws and all.

It's doing the dishes and cleaning the house, changing the diapers, making dinner, and sending flowers. It's all of those things, just like you said Ariel. It's also being more concerned for their well being than your own. If you are both giving 100% all of the time to make the other person happy, how could you not have a happy marriage? It's the selfish people who are unhappy.

Those butterflies that I used to get when I saw Dan don't come around much anymore, and it's not because I love him any less. Just the opposite actually. I would say that the love you feel when dating someone is superficial, though powerful. Once you're married and sharing a life together it becomes something so much more. It's deeper, more powerful, and ultimately, more satisfying. Spending each and every day together, learning and growing, is what true love is all about.

You know that country song that goes something like, "and I thought I loved her then"? It's like that. I thought I loved Dan when I married him and didn't think it could get any better, and then we had our 1 year anniversary. I thought after that, there's no way I could love him any more, and then we had Evelyn. And on and on. I am looking forward to the next 30 years, because if the trend follows, I can't even imagine the amount of love I will have for that man by the end of them. 

And what about those hard times in marriage? Because we have all had them. I know from my own experiences, that the hard work you put in when you are going through those rough patches pays off ten fold later on. I won't be specific, but I do remember a time when Dan and I just weren't clicking, for whatever reason. We just were not getting along and things seemed to be going down hill, when my amazing man told me that it was my fault. This may sound pretty shocking to some, but it was the truth. I wasn't trying anymore. I didn't want to read scriptures, go to church, or say prayers anymore. I wasn't being supportive to him in his calling or his work, but all I was seeing at the time was me. Me. Me. Me. I wanted this and that and I was disappointed that I wasn't getting it. Me monster. After telling me this as politely as he could, I was pretty upset for quite some time, but after a lot of reflection and prayer, I realized he was totally right. I was giving maybe 30% to our relationship, while he was still giving 110%.

After all of that, we are stronger than ever. I think. He may have a different opinion, but since I'm the wife and the one writing this blog, I'm going to say stronger.

So, that is what I think of soul mates and true love. I can't imagine ever being with anyone other Dan. He gets me in a way no one else ever has, and I think that will just keep getting more and more true as time goes on. He is my very best friend. He is the person I can be completely me around without any judgement or awkwardness. Dan is the person I call when I am happy, sad, or anything in between. He is my soul mate. My one true love, because I chose him to be so. We work hard, everyday, to make sure that is still true everyday and I am so thankful for that. And, that is what my true love looks like, Ariel.

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