Whine

I just want to vent and whine a little bit right now, so if you don't read this I won't be offended.

Here's the thing though. I miss Dan. All the time. It feels like all I do everyday, all day, is miss him and worry about him. I worry about whether he's drinking enough water (he got dehydrated after the second day), if he knows everything he needs to, whether his professors are targeting him today, and whether or not he's going to pass this rotation. Mostly I am worrying about what will happen if he doesn't pass. What does that mean for him? For us? And, I never see him. He leaves before I wake up and gets home somewhere between 5pm and 9pm usually. But, even when he is home all he is doing is studying. I am so not complaining about him or how little time he is spending with me because I know it's not his fault and if he could, he would spend tons of time with me. But that's the thing, he can't. The Vet school is so over-demanding that they expect you to go into a rotation already knowing all the things they are supposed to be teaching you in that rotation. It's ludicrous. The amount of stress of these poor students are under is outrageous. Did you know that the Vet School employs a therapist specifically for students because of how many breakdowns there are, especially in 4th year? No joke. So, Dan is under all this pressure and stress and there is nothing I can do to help. It is incredibly frustrating. So, not only do I never see my husband or get to spend any time with him ever, but there is also nothing I can do to help. Obviously, I am trying to be as supportive as possible so I never tell him how much I miss him and wish he was around and how frustrated I am that I can't do anything, but instead I let him vent to me, tell him it's going to be great, make him eat food, and fix his lunches. Am I doing enough? I hate knowing that I am sitting at home with nothing to do, completely at my leisure, while he is at the Vet School quite possibly doing something that determines whether he passes or fails. If he doesn't pass this rotation, he would still go on to the next one, but he would have to retake it. So, that begs the question of what the Army would do if he didn't pass. Ridiculous right? These are all the things that I am CONSTANTLY worrying about. I think I'm losing hair. I know how smart and motivated Dan is though and that gives me some peace of mind. He is the kindest, smartest, and hardest working man I have ever met so I have my fingers crossed (and praying a lot) for him. Sorry if you're still reading this. I needed to get some of this out of my head so it doesn't come out in other ways. :/

Sincerely,
The biggest baby/whiner ever